When? 2019-08-28
Where? TBD Somewhere in Berlin, probably Kreuzberg or Neukölln
What?
This is a topic I have been wanting to discuss for a long time, and 2019 seems to be a strange year for break ups…
Cards on the table:
I (Alex) was drawn to non-monogamy/polyamory more for the idea of “not having to break up if you want more/someone else/this is not enough” than for the “abundance of lovers”.
Of all the ideas coming from the “default world”, the one that we go from “best friends and confidants and better half” to “don’t talk to each other, possibly enemies” was (and is) the most terrifying/alien to me.
What are the alternatives?
How do we build them? How do we prepare for them?
The topic also covers the other way around: getting closer, committing after having said we’re just hooking up/dating/relationship anarchy-ing around/etc…
FB event.
The schedule is the usual:
we start mostly on time,
arriving late is not encouraged but possible,
the first 15-20 minutes will be re-hashing the system (so, yeah, unless you REALLY like hearing it again, if you know the system, you’re welcome to arrive 7:45).
Resources:
Articles:
(I’ve not read them all yet, cannot vouch yet)
https://www.morethantwo.com/dealingwithbreakups.html
https://elisabethsheff.com/2012/12/20/failure-or-transition-redefining-the-end-of-polyamorous-relationships/
https://www.theferrett.com/2017/06/05/you-dont-have-to-break-up-with-them-one-of-the-hardest-decisions-in-polyamory/
https://www.quora.com/What-is-it-like-to-break-up-from-a-polyamorous-relationship
https://swipelife.tinder.com/post/polyamory-break-up/ (hm… I already don’t agree with the title, I mean… stopping everything is simpler, yes. Is it better? Monogamy is also simpler and non-monogamy)
https://medium.com/non-monogamy-help/how-to-break-up-in-polyamory-cca243edefcb
http://www.its-complicated.com/2016/01/six-things-not-to-do-after-a-poly-breakup/
These don’t seem rosy:
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/vvkagj/polyamorous-people-tell-their-worst-breakup-stories
https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/8hpknb/breaking_up_with_the_love_of_my_life_because_of/
Books:
Specifically on the topic, The Polyamory Breakup Book: Causes, Prevention, and Survival, from the author of the “Jealousy Workbook”.
And there is something about it that I liked in “Rewriting the rules“
I also found out about this one while doing my homework:
The Breakup Museum